I really only have a few months left out here and I decided to make the best of it. I actually spent yesterday scheduling my available time the best I can. Sure I have to filter in sleep, eating, grocery shopping, cleaning my apartment, joke writing, sketch filming, script re-writing and hardcore networking.
The ones that know me, know that eating sleeping, shopping, and anything to do with just living is boring. I get all that done, but I am always looking for more. I need that personal interaction or I'm done.
I spent the day totally out of my element watching, observing and writing about Beverly Hills. After $10 for Valet parking, $70 dollars for 4 drinks and one of the best seafood chowders that would rival the crew from the deadliest catch, I was in the groove. Sure it's easy to laugh at the beautiful people that pop in and out of these stores, yet they are out of reach from the norm of society but still hilarious on it's own. I actually saw two women, Mid 40's, driving a $400K pinkish Rolls Phantom stopping traffic cause they needed to stop at Tiffany's...really!
At least 5 security guards came out, one dude hopped in the car to park it and the other dudes walked them in and closed the shop. I get the whole throwing money around but this was the craziest cases of pure opulence that I've ever seen. Even driving a hummer I got stopped on the street and redirected to the next lane. Beside me was a lime green lp 640 mercielago and behind me was a cl63 benz AMG...All this to say that I mind as well been driving a 1983 chevette..Unreal! Hollywood is cool and hip, beverly hills is bullshit! It's as real as the tooth fairy, but with credit cards instead.
I actually go and hang out in these places to remind me that it's possible, people really live like this, It can happen. Some of these people are real, Totally real. I was by myself today and probably talked to 25 random people. Are they super rich, just visiting, or just being nice...I don't know! But what I can tell you, is that alot of these women have alot more money that me. I'm now considering being a pool boy. Beverly Hills Bob, Mr. Cool the guy that shocks your Pool......Pool Friend, Mr. Deep End.....Knows the G spot, rub cream when you're hot. When you husband is gone, I'll fill your pond.....Trim, clean and care for your backyard, I'm Sweaty, heavy and always hard......Not overly sexy in a g-string, call me King Butt,Bigbobaloo da King.....
So after all of that craziness, I end up at my place at around 5pm. I stopped at the grocery store down the street and picked up some chicken-kabobs...I knew that I was gonna end up at the pool/bbq area and havn't eaten that much all day. Within about half an hour two girls that I've previously met came out and partied with me. I just finished my dinner but had lots left(I always cook more incase) and they chilled with me. I don't understand why there isn't more people that hang out in the common BBQ/Pool area. It's awesome, really cool. Combined we had 3 bottles of wine and had a blast. Actually we just made a plan to have a BBQ party for the whole building on June 21st.....I buy the food and cook it, they get the utensils and advertisment. It's gonna be an epic party. Hey it's all networking and my building here in Hollywood is full of actors/Models/Comedians/ and all around cool people. We shut down around 10pm and that is where my night starts.
I'm actually pretty close to the West Hollywood action so after a stumble into my apt I called a cab and one of the funniest nights ever started. See, the Comedy Store is probably the most popular comedy shrine in the world. I was lucky to stand on that stage once and there is nothing like it. So I show up in pretty good shape in the front patio/bar area and am welcomed with a drink from an obvious mind reader(or some chic that remembered me). The comedy store is known for the party area, cause all the comics hang out there before or after their sets. It's a great place place to meet people cause everyone is on the same page. After a few drinks and weird looks from staffers(comedians) we go in for the last few acts. The place was mostly cleared out cause it was like after 1am but the stage was rocking.
The last comic was Don Barris who is a great comedian and also the Jimmy Kimmel pre/post Guy...I met him like a twice before but he was hilarious. He picked on me a little cause I was the Canadian Guy playing right into his act. Being a Comic you have to respect other comics and anything you can do to play along. It's really far from Heckling!! He and the others in his act are very animated, energetic and funny. I have to admit I helped out a little, cause I wont put him on the spot and feed him material that any comic would eat. I would expect the same respect from anyone else.
His show ended and the place cleared out, but the drummer from his band/act(awesome dude, hockey fan, but a Habs Jersey) came out and got me and brought me to the back. I even asked him if everything was cool. But he was like " Man come party with us"... Well this is the reason that I go to these places, to meet people like this. So even in my state I agreed. Everything is shut down, nobody around and I walk in the back door with this dude. It Starts!!!!! I Honestly got ribbed, attacked, questioned and challenged by the best. It was crazy, I'm normally the guy kinda in charge of that and found myself on the receiving end. I'm sure it's exactly how Robert Downey JR felt after his big Coke and Hooker bust. They asked me everything, but I'm there to play along.....
I mind as well been osama bin laden, holy shit....I get it, I'm the only stranger out of 15 people, all the comics people, the managers, bookers, other comics....I got drilled! Handled it pretty good, it was like a game of 1000 questions...Luckily I was in good enough shape but it was crazy. It's like a dream but on the flip side the worst nightmare. I got challenged to the stage and had to go up, again these are all industry people, on the spot. It went like " Ok Canadian Guy, lets hear ya" Go right now"....Lights come on, and I'm helped to the stage(main stage). I froze a little, but I still did a little Bobaloo...No way I was gonna be a pure bitch, No way! I threw a couple of jokes but the plan was really to screw with me up there. Don came up with me and started his own little thing, but again I was all over it. I actually said to the all the people there" Ok I'm down with whatever you guys want to talk about" Knowing that no joke could be delivered properly in front of these guys. I knew for sure a couple of them were really trying to Fuck with me, but in all fairness I would challenge anybody to that spot. Again, the regular full comics, Managers, Comedy store staff, and other industy people are all going " go ahead man, do your shit"...
I would have loved to be as crazy as I could but I honestly found myself a little scared. This really was pretty fucked, I drank too much, wasn't prepared but loved every second. After a few minutes of things I can't even blog about(dirty shit), I got off the stage and partied for a bit more. We all needed to leave cause it was like past 3am. So we Hung around for a bit and everyone was cool.
I have to admit I was not prepared for all of that, but now I will be. I was lucky enough that they all found me interesting enough to attack me on questions, put me on stage randomly and treat me like I deserve. You gotta understand, these people are all players in the game, they are full time comics, or well known actors that worked their asses off to get there. I can't expect them to be easy on me. I deserve what I got, however they will never forget me. I love that idea, it's the reason why I'm living here.
The next few months will really be tough. I have been wild, but not as wild as I can be. Hopefully I am challenged more, so that the ol noggin is worked. Some things can never be duplicated as in friends met, improv classes at second city and blowing the minds of High end Comics every time I meet one. Things will work out, maybe not this time around, but I will be back. It really is the only place to be.
P.S. Oh and there are no bugs here..Like None.
Bob
